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3d nls oberon 4 Things In Every Porn You Should Never Do In Real Life

3d nls oberon

3d nls oberon

4 Things In Every Porn You Should Never Do In Real Life

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Gentlemen, we’re going to do an exercise. First, lay down on your back. Now put your knees over your ears. Good? Good. Now take a moment to contemplate what led you to this point in your life, where you’re twisting yourself into a pretzel on the floor because you decided to play porno Monkey-See-Monkey-Do. All done? Now answer the following questions: How comfortable are you? Say, on a scale from one to “my hamstrings have detached themselves and run away, How easy do you think it would be to get a boner right now? Try thinking about Christina Hendricks in a hot tub. Boobs just bobbing along on the water. Anything happening down there?

You have now experienced sex with a man who’s watched too much porn. It’s a sad fact of life that there’s very little overlap between the positions that look the best on camera and the ones that are the most conducive to an actual dicking. The legs-behind-the-ears one is used because everything is visible, but considering that the goal here is

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to rub things together, its real-world utility is minimal at best. My office is my couch, OK? I am not that flexible. At worst, you’re asking for a fart 3d nls oberon on the balls. I’m sorry, but there are a lot of unsexy organs you’re squishing there.

The other most frequent offender is the one where you’re going in from behind and riding high, so to speak, which is again a 3d nls oberon visibility thing. It’s so that the cameraman can get that awesome “between the legs” shot. What’s happening on the receiving end is that you’re being literally fucked

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sideways. 3d nls oberon There’s a reason that’s a curse — it feels 3d nls oberon like one, in the “evil sorcerer” sense of the word.

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Gandalf The Sex Offender

Now, regarding both of these positions, a little angling is a good thing. The key words there are “a little, So please, over-porned guys, you have to remember that if you want to give a woman a vaginal orgasm you want to stimulate the G-spot, not pretend it’s a pirate and stab it with a cutlass.

#1. Ass-To-Anywhere

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Because I assume we’re all adults here, I also assume we’re all aware that Urban Dictionary is written by 12-year-olds and most of the horrifying sex acts defined there aren’t actually part of any adult’s sexual repertoire. Unfortunately, there are exceptions. I’m talking, of course, about the fabled “ass-to-mouth” — that is, butt sex 3d nls oberon to blowjob.

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The mournful frown of ass-to-mouth.

Everyone with access to the Internet can confirm that ass-to-mouthing does happen, and it’s because interrupting the scene to go clean yourself would be kind of a drag (or, if the actress has a really good contract, they are cutting, but you would never know). It just also happens to be a standout among your Dirty Sanchezes and Rusty Trombones in that it’s legitimately deadly. You ever hear of E. coli, 3d nls oberon son? Does the phrase “bloody diarrhea” mean anything to you? How about “brain tapeworm, Are you absolutely sure you want to risk brain 3d nls oberon tapeworms because your boyfriend, for some ungodly reason, thinks it’s hot when you gobble his bacteria-slathered knob?

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“Tapeworm, you say? Hm. I could stand to lose a few brain pounds,

While we’re 3d nls oberon on the subject of penises trying to pull off an Around The World, there’s another hole that is, let’s say, butthole adjacent, and if you’re attacking from the rear, it’s real easy to slip back and forth between the two and, by doing so, ruin her whole goddamn night. So it shouldn’t be a surprise that if you stick a shitty dick in a vagina, the woman can get a nasty UTI. If the woman you’re trying to double-dip with has ever experienced the pain of a UTI, you’re legally not allowed to blame her for bowling you over on the way to the bathroom for an Everclear douche.

I’d like to think that most men are sympathetic enough not to want to give a woman a case of fire-piss, so I’m sorry, you’re going to have to either 3d nls oberon take a suds break between holes or pick a flavor and stick with it. Being a mature, adult male sex-haver means learning that when you go for the ass, you put blinders 3d nls oberon on your dick and you commit 3d nls oberon to the ass 3d nls oberon.


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